Hi, I'm Kenneth Hister, the greatest writer since Jack Kerouac (S.E. Hinton doesn't count 'cause her work is structurally weak and heavily censored, though the movie Rumble Fish is perfect in damn near every way). I'm brilliant, articulate, insightful, educational, and entertaining (on an artistic level), so I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'm not gonna be able to make money off my shit until twenty years after I'm dead (which I will). Oh, well, there's prices you pay for immortality, right? But thanks to the internet, I can get something in the way of encouragement, and get strangers to read my shit. Now, if they'd just e-mail me...Lazy fuckers!!! It takes about six months (with a full-time job and a manic depressive monkey on my back) to get this shit onto the web, and about three minutes to type an e-mail. I even want to give away free shit, if you'd give me your addresses. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Someday, you're gonna be going to the drugstore to get your amphetamine after dropping your kids off at school, looking forward to soaps and vaccuuming, and thinking, "Damn, I wish I'd given Kenneth my address so I'd have some relic of when I was alive. And I could have married him, a real man who understood desperation and the importance of loyalty, trust and commitment, but he ended up killing himself 'cause he assumed no one was reading his life's work. Damn, where's my valium?" I almost wish I didn't care. Oh well, as Nancy Reagan once said, "I didn't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs." Enjoy.

Oh, by the way, I write novels.

"Outside of my own writing, the only fiction I like is Kerouac and pornography."

Kenneth Hister 333